I just want to remind you again that this is not 100% correct on every target and every culture. It also might turn you to an asshole so just read it for fun, and doing it or not is up to you.
Enjoy!
The Fat Girl
How to spot her: Well, she's fat. Thí doesn't just apply to fat girls though, it's any lonely, awkward, self-conscious girl. She might have had acne as a teen, just been dumped by her boyfriend, or has some really weird birthmark on her face. We're talking about the girl who's slightly damaged goods and has painfully low self-esteem.
Where to find her: Try hanging around a weight loss clinic, but you're better off standing in front of your apartment building, and just waiting for one to saunter by.
Pluses: This is the easiest chick you'll ever score.
Minuses: You don't necessarily want to be bringing her around the boys at the pub, and she's sort of like a penny in the street, really easy to come by but hard to get rid of.
How to land her: Easy, just pay her some attention and a few half-sincere compliments. She's so used to being shunned that just a wink and a smile and her panties will be half way to her knees.
Exit strategy: "i'm really not looking for anything serious right nowm but you seemed so sepcial, i couldn't resist."
The Third-wave Feminist
How to spot her: Because this is more about mindset than an actual type of girl, they're hard to pick out at the bar unless you actually talk to them, but once you're into the conversation and the girl drops the term "sex-positive", you know you've got a live one. These are the girls with that think that being sexual is a natural part of life and should be encouraged. Their way of sticking in to the man is by letting a man stick it to them.
Where to fund her: The halls of academia seem littered with them, but they're also the girls who go alone to strip clubs and swingers parties.
Pluses: She pretty much thinks that having sex with as many people as possible is a philosophical imperative.
Minuses: You will be going down on her. And you will be getting her off. Neither of those is necessarily a minus, but just know that you're going to be working harder in bed than you will be getting her there. Also, she might tie you up. Again, not necessarily a minus.
How to land her: Just lay back and let her be in charge. She's going to be very leery of the patriarchy trying to oppress her and any male/female power dynamics, so just let her have all the power. You're going to het what you want by letting her get what she wants. Enjoy!
Exit strategy:"This has been a wonderful moment, but i think we have way to much sexual energy to share with the world to keep wasting it on each other."
The Party Girl
How to spot her: If the short skirt and the tight top don't clue you in, the perpetual swaying, slurred words, and frequent "whoo-hoos" like she's living in a perpetual bachelorette party should. Any female who goes up to a bartender and shout "Shots!" definitely falls into this category.
Where to find her: Bars(of course), houses parties, clubs, raves, universities, beach resorts with package vacations, Mardi Gras, or any other opportunity to show her titties in public with inpunity. If there's a mechanical bull around, she'll be on it.
Pluses: She'll buy all her own drinks and work herself into a stupor. All you have to do is show up when she's horny enough to take someone home.
Minuses: The problem isn't that she probably has herpes, it's that she definitely does.
How to land her: The Party Girl makes a hobby out of getting shit-faced and picking up guys at bars. It is this behaviour that defines her as a woman, so you just have to show up and be next to her when she's handing out invitations. Oh, and don't try to keep up with her alcohol-wise, because if you do, your equipment won't be in working order when you get back to her place, and you don't want to deal with a Party Girl when she's faced with an erectile dysfunction.
Exit strategy: Just try not to wake her when you skulk out in the morning.
The Tough Girl
How to spot her: When a curvy girl with large hoop earrings, and inappropriately tight outfit, agressive sexuality, and chewing gum comes over and inspects you, then it's a Tough Girl.
Where to find her: The less fine nightclubs, hip-hop shows, urban neighbourhoods, anywhere where lads hang out. But this ravenous creature will certainly find you, and when she does, she's going in for the kill.
Pluses: It feels nice to be treated ike a piece of meat every now and again, right gents? And if you like it rough, then step on board.
Minuses: This is all about her getting off, and once she doeas your balls will be bluer than the Billie Hoiday songbook.
How to land her: Just say yes.
Exit strategy: "What, you're going to kick me out, just like that?"
And The Gay Guy
How to spot him: The average gay is more attractive, more fit, more fey, and better dressed than the average dude, but they come in all shapes and sizes so you could be surprise.
Where to find him: When in doubt, head to a gay bar, posh neighbourhood, or that one part of the park that people always warned you about.
Pluses: Right now you're probably thinking, "No fucking way." But keep an open mind. When you're really horny and you don't have the energy to find a woman or the money to hire a whore, a gay guy will get you off without asking to many questions, and he'll leave you alone afterwards. Plus, unlike hooking up with most ladies, head and anal is guaranteed.
Minuses: You're going to have to deal with all that "Am i gay?" stuff. Don't worry, it will go away the next time you hit a woman.
How to land him: The gays are a picky bunch, so it doesn't hurt if you're attractive and well-groomed ans, most importantly, in good shape. These boys are all about the body. Then just tell them you're straight and it's your first time. That's like telling a fat girl you have a box full of cupcakes waiting at home. All that's left is closing your eyes and imagining it's a girl. As your new gay friend will tell you, it all feels the same with the lights off.
Exit strategy: "I gotta get home to my girlfriend."
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