Yesterday i read an extremely interesting article in a magazine which i borrowed from my friend calls "A handy guide to one night stands". It gives you, all the men on earth some facts and tips that help you to have a one night stand relationship. I've never tried that kind of relationship, but i found it's totally amazing and how intelligent it is.
The article includes not only the unexpecting informations, and facts, and tips but also the humor, that's the main reason that i love it deeply. So now i wanna share with you some of them, and try them or not, it's up to you.
Note:
-They're not correct 100% on every target, or every culture.
-I dont guarantee that if this entry would make you become a d-bag, a jerk, an asshole or not.
The Professional
How to spot her: Hello! She's a hooker! Even if she's not wearing some crotch-baring dress, fishnets, and a ratty fur like the shady ladies on street corners, she's going to come find you anyway.
Where to find her: Internet escort sites, the dirty ads in the back of your alternative weekly, fancy hotel loobies, brothels, the red light district. Seriously, if you're looking to hire a hooker and can't find one, there is something seriously wrong with you.
Pluses: You get what you want, when you want, and just how you want it-all you have to do is pay.
Minuses: Deep down aside, no matter how nice she is and how great sex is, you'll always know it was purchased. Then you will cry.
How to land her: Work hard, save your money, make a phone call. For the first time in your life you don't even have to pretend this is about her enjoyment at all.
Exit stragedy: "Your money's on the dresser."
The Model
How to spot her: Always the easiest to find in any crowded room, she will be the tallest, skinniest, and most alienesque creature. There will be a decidedly bored look etched on her face and most likely a flute of free champagne in her hand.
Where to find her: She's always at the hottest clubs, the fiercest parties, the chicest eateries, and of course, fashion events. She'll be the one waiting for the ladies room to go, ahem, powder her noise.
Pluses: What guye on the planet doesn't want to tell his mates, "I fucked a model last night!"
Minuses: They can be very difficult to score because the demand far outweighs the supply( doesn't everything outweigh a model?)
How to land her: It's not going to be easy, but it's usually worth the effort. The model typically likes a man who is either especially cool( like a rocker) or especially rich( like every guy that's not you). You need to be or pretend to be either one of these.
Exit strategy: Either "Thanks love, but my band's got a gig in Berlin tonight" or "That was amazing, but i have to be ready to go when the markets open, so i gotta jet."
The Bohemian
How to spot her: Sadly they haven't changed much since the 60s with the long, unkempt hair, flowing skirts, armpit hair, and artistic affectations. Some will have updated their fashion a bit, but there will still be a prevasive air or quirkiness.
Where to find her: Gallery openings, jazz clubs, poetry readings, or any other gathering that is associated with the obscure, creative, and "authentic".
Pluses: They invented the concept of free love and she needs constant romantic fodder for her short stories, paintings, video art installations about the dialogue between perception and truthm or whatever stupid shit she;s working on, so this is the proverbial fish in the barrel. Also, she'll get you stoned too.
Minuses: If you can't stand patchouli, untrimmed public hair, or her three cats meowing all about while you try to get it on, you're going to be absolutely tortured.
How to land her: First, say nice things about Joni Mitchell. Then tell her that you feel like you've been closed off from the love of the universe ever since your last girlfriend dumped you. You'll see "Both sides now", faster than she can pull that song up on her ipod.
Exit strategy: "Thanks!"
The good girl
How to spot her: She'll be the one in the corner wearing the blouse that's just one too many buttons fastened. This is the girl who has always done what her parents told her, turned in her homework on time, and never stole a tube of lipstick from a drugstore. A pearl necklace is a dead giveaway. No, not that kind.
Where to find her: Charity dinners, church mixers, working late at the office, sitting at the head of the class, alone in line for a romantic comedy, or serving as abridesmaid(never the bride).
Pluses: Waiting deep down in the crevasses of every Good Girl is one or two really wild and dirty nights. She is basically a bottle of champagne that's been shaken vigorously her whole life, so once you pop that cork, get ready for fireworks.
Minuses: That cork is on there really tight, so it's going to take some prying. Also, if she's the kind of girl who has been saving it up for marriage, you might be forced into paying for that cork with a diamond ring.
How to land her: Start by being caring, kind, and compassionate. Show her that you are really listening to what she has to say(for a change) and care about the same things she does. Once you've lured her in, let her know how attrative she is. She never hears that. Then say the rauchiest thing that comes to mind. If you don't get slapped in the face, she'll be running for the exit with you.
Exit strategy: "I'm just not good enough for you. You're very special, but you're better off without me."
The Hipster
How to spot her: She almost always has a pixie haircut, large-framed glasses, vintage retro chic outfits, tattoos, and a fondness for indie music. They try really, really hard to be different, but it's funny how they all look exactly the same.
Where to find her: Clubs that featire bands you've never heard of, thrift stores, coffee shops, or waiting tables in the most up-and-coming of all the neighbourhoods in any given city.
Pluses: The hipster is always trying to live outside of the mainstream, so for her sleeping around is an act of rebellion, which means she always has one foot on the mattress. She learned all her best moves from watching porn("ironically" she claims) so she gives the best head in town.
Minuses: You'll have to look past her sneer-and her daddy issues.
How to land her: The only way to get her is to be judged cool enough. Nod and pretend you kow what she's talking about when she makes obscure pop cultural references. If you have a corporate job, don't bring it up. Any whiff of the establishment and she'll be running for the door. ALso, it helps if you have facial hair-the odder the configuration the better.
Exit strategy: "I got tickets to the Blender Kitty show later, so i gotta bolt."
All from Man about town magazine.
Hope you guy like this as much as i do ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment